Eternal

If we spend so much time pursuing an Earthly Love, why do we not pursue in equal - greater - measure our Eternal Love? We should be pouring even more of ourselves into the Eternal. 

Earthly Love will pass, but Eternal Love never leaves us. 
We become easily disappointed in Earthly Love because it fails our expectations and hopes, it fails to give full return for all our labors. 
But the Lord, our Eternal Lover, pours into us above and beyond the affection we could ever offer. 

The more we love Him, the more love we can offer others, the more love we see around us.

If you are easily distracted by emotions, or by romantic entanglements, or if you often find yourself in an obsession where one person is on your mind always, where your life is calibrated to focus on them - my challenge to you is to step back and compare the time you spend loving them, and the time you spend focusing on loving God. There is nothing wrong with loving people, but we know when our love is selfish or imbalanced. We know. Emotions are beautiful, but it's healthy to harness them and work through/toward them WITH God, not instead of God. 
That's my challenge. To just think, really think. Pray. And if you find an imbalance, find a way back to balance. Put the priorities in place and God has blessings in store for you. He wants to make you so happy and so fulfilled you won't know what to do with yourself.

I need to work on balance

Psalm 10

"The wicked in his proud ountenance does not seek God; God is in none of his thoughts... he has said in his heart, "I shall not be moved; I shall never be in adversity." He has said in his heart, "God has forgotten; He hides His face; He will never see." 
Psalm 10:4,6,11


I often act as if God has left the control panel. As if I need to take things into my own hands (or maybe that's inaccurate, because I don't think I've ever loosened my grip on my little useless, imaginary toy controls.)

I act as if God is not involved. As if He has forgotten. As if He is, in a fit of Godly anger, righteous pique, turning away from me. Hidden His holy face from my unholiness.

As if He does not see.

This isn't a thought process I can allow myself to continue.

It cannot go on.

Prayer

Let me learn to face my own angers and disappointments, my hurts and the failures of others... to handle them the way You handle me every day, Father.

Psalm 8:3-5

"When I consider Your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained... What is man that You should be mindful of him? And the son of Man that You should be mindful of him? For You have made him a little lower than the angels, and you have crowned him with glory and honor." 
Psalm 8:3-5

Understand how truly gracious God is to give us such beauty, such complex loveliness that surrounds us.

Psalm 5

"Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation, give heed to the voice of my cry, My King and my God, for to You I will pray. My voice you shall hear in the morning, O LORD; In the morning i will direct it to You, and I will look up." 
Psalm 5:1-3


Something I have a lot of trouble with is praying for myself. There are many reasons for this - I feel awkward, I feel redundant telling God about my life, I don't feel worthy of His attention, I get distracted, I simply hit a wall in my mind...

But it is something I need to work on. I know that. Without prayer, I focus too much on my own thoughts, interpretation, and desires. And I'm not supposed to be doing this alone.

"But as for me, I will come into Your house in the multitude of Your mercy; In fear of You I will worship toward Your holy temple... Lead me, O LORD, because of my enemies; make Your way straight before my face." 
Psalm 5:7-8


I need not be afraid of approaching the throne of God - not for any reason. Whether I have a request, a question, a plea, a prayer, or simply a need to experience him and talk. My guilt does not hold God back from me, it holds me back from Him.

His mercies are a multitude. 


Lead me Lord, because of my enemies.

Make Your way straight before my face. Your way.

My way is a sacrifice to You.

Your way will be my way.

"FOR YOU, O LORD WILL BLESS THE RIGHTEOUS; 

WITH FAVOR YOU WILL SURROUND HIM AS WITH A SHIELD." 

Psalm 5:12

Psalm 4:3-5

"But know that the LORD has set apart for Himself him who is godly; the LORD will hear when I call to Him. Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD." 
Psalm 4:3-5


God has set me apart. I have found that He chased me, hunted me down, pursued me. And now he is wooing me. He has chosen me for Himself. He has set me aside for Himself. He considers me precious, worthwhile, special.he invests in me. He made sacrifices bigger than I am ever capable of reciprocating. He loves me while knowing I will always fail.

Obedience is the only worthy sacrifice I possess. Myself. The only thing of worth I have to offer is myself. My conduct, my attitude, my words, my heart, my reputation, my body, my mind. All the things that constitute Me should be sacrifices to the Lord.

Psalm 3:1-4

"Lord, how they have increased who trouble me! Many are those who rise up against me. Many are those who rise up against me. Many are those who say of me, "There is no help for him in God." 
Psalm 3:1-2


I am not being physically or verbally attacked the way David was. But I do have a host of opposition - doubts. I doubt myself. The doubts have voices and they are never still. So also do my regrets, my shames, my past actions have voices, as they replay history in my mind. They tear apart the image I have of myself, painting an ugly picture in the place of who I am in God's eyes. They tell me that I am unworthy, I should not even lift my eyes, I need to make myself better before I can approach God. They whisper that there "is no help for me in God," that I am unsaveable, unforgivable.

"But You, O LORD, are a shield for me, my Glory and the One who lifts up my head. I cried to the LORD with my voice, and He heard me from His holy hill."
Psalm 3:3-4


Against these doubts, regrets, shames, mistakes, and feelings of unworthiness, I have protection. God is the one who lifts up my head.

He takes me by the hand and leads me to a place where I can see a reflection of His image of me once more - past the vulgar lies my shame painted on my heart. God shows me His mirror. In it I see His purity, His love, His beauty, His devotion, His sacrifice. I see the grace He gave me written across my forehead. Because of these things, because of the investment such a loving, powerful God made in me... I see the reflection of myself and can say - I am beautiful. I am changed.

I am not the one who considers myself worthy.
I am not my own judge. God is my judge. He has written the verdict. I am guilty, but I am pardoned. I was dirty, but I am clean. I was unwantable, but I am desired. I was doomed, but I have been SAVED.

Nothing the world can throw at me will ever shake the knowledge that the Lord sees me and the first thing He thinks is, "MINE."

I can call to Him without trying to hide my shame.

He will always hear me.

He is the one who found me.

He lifts my head.

Psalm 1:6

"For the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish." 
Psalm 1:6


Sometimes it seems like our obedience is completely ignored. The world considers us foolish, we feel under-appreciated in our efforts. Our lives often seem unfruitful or worthless because we can't see what the results of our diligence are. We are not appreciated by those around us, so we don't feel like our righteous acts are worthwhile.

But we are short-sighted.

The LORD knows our ways.
Even when the fruits of our labor are seemingly nonexistent, they ARE worthwhile because the world is no longer our judge - God is!
And He sees the way of the righteous.
It is also frustrating to look around us and see the corrupt rising to power, fame, fortune. it seems that our faithful efforts keep us from reaching the perceived greatness, the popular acknowledgement of "success".
Their ungodly pursuits seem to elevate them, and we wonder if we will ever have our chance at victory...
But the psalms say, "the way of the ungodly shall perish."
They do not see that their path, though it seems pleasant and good and profitable now, will lead them to ultimate destruction and pain in the end.

If you covet their lifestyle, you must also covet their end.

Agápe

Flattery desires some sort of return. It wants a return of compliment, or it wants an attraction increased, or it wants a simple solution to an awkward situation.

A selfless love, a compliment, never flatters, because while it may search for a return, it will not demand or require it. A pure love does not set traps of expectation. A real love seeks the good in someone, instead of relying on invention or inflation. A selfless love is content desiring that the Loved One knows they are noticed, valuable, Loved. A real love does not require reciprocation to be complete, to be worthwhile.

Countless

How many miracles have you seen, Christian? How many perfections from God have you seen, and yet you don't trust His direction? His path? His plan? How can you still doubt?

Everywhere

"Christ be with me,

Christ within me,

Christ behind me,

Christ before me,

Christ beside me,

Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me."

(St. Patrick)

Honestly

"Nothing changes if we keep hiding. Nobody grows. Nobody really gets to be in community if we keep faking it."
(John Acuff) 

Grinding Gears

Nothing that I must force with my own will and strength to happen is going to be God's will for me.

Subtraction

Our failure will never diminish God's glory.

All our failure diminishes is our own glory.

Our purpose is to bring glory to God.

John the baptist said, "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:30)

Why then do we fear our failure?

Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

(Proverbs 3:5-6)

I always have problems with popular verses. I get in this place where I don't want to use them or listen to them because they start becoming smooth on my mind... they don't bite into my brain and stick, because the verse has been repeated so often, so freely.

Proverbs 3:5-6 is one of the verses every Christian probably posts as a Facebook status at least once in their life. I see it so often that I start ignoring it. 

This morning I feel I have been challenged by God to rough it up for my mind a little bit, help give it teeth. If you can't find meaning in a verse, the problem is not the verse. The problem is you. Fix the problem. That's sort of my Bible motto. Seek out the truth, don't just expect it to always clobber you over the head.

"Trust in the Lord. With all your heart..."  
I am not a trusting person. I have been hurt a lot in my life, and on top of that, I'm just quiet, reserved, private. It's how I'm wired. I don't mind sharing myself with people, but they have to be the right people and they have to really care, make an effort. 
The root of my trust issues, however, is a desperate desire to be in control. I always want to know what is coming, when it is coming, who is involved, what I am supposed to do. Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm obsessed with planning. I want details.
Unfortunately for me, that's not how God works. God wants us to trust Him. He is not going to tell us everything. Isaiah 55:8-9, we are told, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Not only is the Lord’s plan different than my little dreamworld, it is better. It is higher.
If anyone is trustworthy, it's the One who created us in the beginning and preserves us until the end. It’s the one who built this roller coaster.
So this is what I must work on. Trusting God, because He has proven Himself trustworthy more times than any human I trust ever has or ever will.  

"...and lean not on your own understanding." 
When you are a control addict like myself, you lean on your own understanding a lot. Always desiring control walks hand in hand with trust issues. Failure to entrust control of a situation to another person is showing that you don't believe they're capable of taking care of it correctly.
You aren't trusting their understanding. You don't trust their ability to react correctly to a situation. You don't trust their ability to plan, predict, etc. 
I do this with God all the time. I'm the most uptight, prideful sinner on the face of the planet - of this I am convinced. I have so much trouble letting go of my own understanding of life and future, and letting Him take over with His perfect understanding. Even with cognitive knowledge of His complete superiority in every way... I have trust issues. This cannot continue. If I am going to be all I can be for Christ, I need to let go of the little rumpled polaroid I have of my life, and let God unfold the full-length movie He has for me.    

"In all your ways, acknowledge Him..." 
So far, we've been told to trust God and let go of our own understanding of things. These are steps to acknowledging God as the only one who has His act together, the only one who knows what is Good for us.
We as humans have a habit of assuming, with our every thought and deed, that we are the most important things that exist. We are categorically after our own interests. But we as Christians, free from bondage to our sinful nature, are called to acknowledge that the Lord is our priority. Our decisions should not be based on our selfish desires or our daily whims. Our decisions need to be based on Christ alone. This is the essence of Godly living. Our lives are no longer our own. This should mean that in every situation we seek Him.
 Acknowledging God means actively looking for how He is glorified and praised and served in every single second of our lives.
Acknowledging God means saying, “He is the one who matters. He is the one who is in control.”
Acknowledging God means pointing to Him with our every move.

"...and He will make your path straight."
What a beautiful promise. Once we've ditched our own limited knowledge, and we've entrusted our futures and decisions to God, we are assured that nothing is going to be out of place. If I were leaning on my own understanding to work out my life, I would have to be terrified that I was going to screw up the entire thing. If I lean on God's understanding, I can be sure that He will make my path straight. I'm not going to go anywhere He does not want me to go. God's priority is His glorification and my righteousness. My path is straight, my path is specific.

There is no greater source of Peace.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, 
And lean not on your own understanding. 
In all your ways acknowledge Him, 
And He will make your path straight." 

This Is Your Song

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face.
Just don't turn away.

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching,
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

'Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, yeah I'll love you
I'll never let you go, no, no

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Desire

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
(Romans 5:8)


God chose us while we were still sinners. 
I will choose a sinner. 
There is no one else to choose. 

Psalm 19

I have no words of my own today. But David has written my prayer:

"The heavens declare the glory of God; 
And the firmament shows His handiwork. 
Day unto day utters speech, 
And night unto night reveals knowledge. 
There is no speech nor language
Where their voice is not heard, 
Their line has gone out through all the earth, 
And their words to the end of the world. 


In them He has set a tabernacle for the sun,
Which is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, 
And rejoices like a strong man to run its race. 
Its rising is from one end of heaven, 
And its circuit to the other end; 
And there is nothing hidden from its heat. 


The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul; 
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; 
The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; 
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes;
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. 
More to be desired are they than gold, 
Yea than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. 
Moreover by them Your servant is warned, 
And in keeping them there is great reward. 


Who can understand his errors?
Cleanse me from my secret faults. 


Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; 
Let them not have dominion over me. 
Then I shall be blameless,
And I shall be innocent of great transgression. 


Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart 
Be acceptable in Your sight, 
Oh Lord
My strength and my Redeemer."


(Psalm 19, NKJV)

Haggai 1:3-11

Opened my Bible to this verse last night: 

Then the word of the Lord came by Haggai the prophet, saying, "Is it time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, and this temple to lie in ruins?" Now therefore, thus says the Lord of hosts: 

"Consider your ways! 

You have sown much, and bring in little;

You eat, but do not have enough;

You drink, but you are not filled with drink;

You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm;

And he who earns wages, earns wages to put into a bag with holes."

Thus says the Lord of hosts: "Consider your ways! Go up into the mountains and bring wood and build the temple, that I may take pleasure in it and be glorified," says the Lord. "You looked for much, but indeed it came to little; and when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why?" says the Lord of hosts. "Because of My house that is in ruins, while every one of you runs to his own house. THerefore the heavens above you withhold the dew, and the earth witholds its fruit. For I called for a drought on the land and the mountains, on the grain and the new wine and the oil, on whatever the ground brings forth, on men and livestock and on all the labor of your hands." 

(Haggai 1:3-11, NKJV)

I've heard this passage preached as a warning against wanting excess, working too hard for pleasure and food and money and gain, things of that nature. That IS a lesson we could take away from it, but this passage spoke to me rather loudly about something different last night because of various things happening in my life right now. I'm as guilty as the Jews were, and I know it's a common guilt. The Israelites were kind enough to make all sorts of mistakes that we could learn from all these years later. So follow my thought process for a while? 

We wonder why we don't get the things we want.

We wonder why the things we work for don't always come to fruition.

We wonder why, even when the things we want are "righteous", "good", "natural", somehow our fingertips can never even brush their corners. 

Backstory: So in 538 BC, King Cyrus of Persia allowed any Jewish person in his kingdom to return to Jerusalem, in order to help rebuild the temple. Nice guy. In 537 BC, a guy named Zerubbabel hiked over to Jerusalem with the first group of returning exiles. Another year later, the foundation had been laid, but the Israelites started having some issues with the neighbors. Their enemies from the surrounding lands started opposing the building of the temple, and interfering. This discouraged and frightened the Jewish remnant, who abandoned the building of the temple in order to concentrate on building themselves houses for shelter. And then... they got kinda used to the not-heading-out-to-a-construction-site-every-day life. 

God was not happy. 

Soon the things the Israelites worked for and enjoyed just didn't seem quite as... satisfying. And they became less and less and less so and they didn't come easily or in great number and soon the life they were striving so hard to make comfortable became difficult. 

End backstory. 

So. Here's a question. Were the things the Jews wanted... wrong? 

I really don't think so. 

They were sowing crops, a necessary part of their lives. They were eating, they were drinking, they were clothing themselves. Nothing inappropriate there. They were working to earn wages. Absolutely nothing wrong with being a good, diligent worker providing for yourself and a family. 

They didn't want anything that was necessarily against God's will. They just wanted to live. 

But somewhere along the line, they lost sight of their purpose and their number one priority. 

We could talk for a while about why. There are lots of reasons to consider: selfishness, fear of dying by the hands of their ticked off neighbors, etc. But right now I don't think that's the point. Whatever their reason for abandoning the building and improving the House of the Lord, whatever reason they had for making His kingdom their SECOND priority,  they still... did it. 

Let's face it - we do exactly the same thing. 

Back to what I was saying before - we wonder why things don't work out, even when we're not doing anything wrong. Maybe that's not the only question we're supposed to ask. Maybe the next question to ask after "am I doing anything wrong," is "but, am I doing anything Right?" 

Sometimes things don't go "well" for us because what we want is simply not in God's will for us. But other times, it's because we're not tending to our first priority. The house of the Lord.  

Our service to the Lord. To the Jews, their service was the rebuilding of the temple that was being neglected. Today, the house of the Lord is in even worse shambles than the physical building the Jews had to rebuild. Think of them as an illustration of the spiritual battle that goes on now. Churches experience strife, hatred, neglect, false teachers. Large portions of the US call themselves "Christian", but only a small fraction of that number are true believers - what does this do to our witness? Christians have bad reputations, Christians are portrayed (sometimes rightly so) as judgmental and hate-filled. People drag themselves to church as a sort of symbol and duty, not as a chance to encounter God with other believers. The poor, the orphaned, the widowed, the weak, are left in the cold, they are hungry, they are naked, they are alone. Our Temple, our church is neglected. Our world needs us and somehow we can't even take care of our own people. Our task is as direly important as the Israelites' task, and more difficult. 

Maybe we get so caught up with living a good life that we forget we're not really the point. God wants to work with us while we're working for Him. We don't need to fear that our lives will fall apart if we focus on furthering His kingdom. God provides. God holds us up. God can take care of anything that comes our way. If we're doing His work, we can always be sure that 

He will provide and protect.

The only way we can rebuild the Kingdom is if we give God everything else. Our focus should be serving Him, furthering His will. Letting Him take care of all those details we get caught up in. Food, clothing, family, friends... We should care, but we should not fear. Even if we babysat these aspects of our life, the Israelites proved that life can't give back to us without God. Life loses its flavor without God's will. 



We focus too much on making the things we want to happen happen. We focus too little on listening to the things God wants done.  


Our desires should be His desires. If our definition of Good is what God will give us, we will always be satisfied by our Lord.
  

Bright Shining As The Sun

I was up all night thinking about heaven.
I can’t begin to imagine what it will be like to stand before the God who has comforted me, guided me, kept me company, disciplined me, talked to me, made me laugh, and DIED for me.
The God who gave me the family I have, and the wonderful friends that surround me now – and will still surround me then.
It’s a beautiful thought. My friends, the earthly, physical manifestations of God’s arms around me, will be with me for eternity, and we will laugh and talk and praise God together without ever tiring.
The friendships I’ve ruined, and the friends who have hurt me… they will be made new. Any anger, any hatred, any brokenness, whether because of genuine betrayal of trust or a misunderstanding… all will be forgiven. I will again be able to look them in the face and smile. I will again be able to love them without reservations. Without fear of being hurt again.
The people I scorned, barred from my life, lashed out in anger toward… scars I created will be healed, and I will be able to feel their forgiveness, and live without guilt.
The heros we have never met, the greatest men and women of God, will surround us and sing with us.
This body I live in… the scars, the crookedness, the weakness… it will vanish out of thought. I will have a new body, that has no weakness, no soreness. I will be able to run, leap, dance for the Lord.

When we’ve been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the Sun
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’ve first begun.

Hobbled

"Do we not continually pass by blessings innumerable without notice, and instead fix our eyes on what we feel to be our trials and our losses, and think and talk about these until our whole horizon is filled with them, and we almost begin to think we have no blessings at all?"
~Hannah Withall Smith

Sometimes I think that, by reflecting constantly on what goes on in our lives and why it is going on (God's purpose in it), we hobble ourselves spiritually.  
When we get wrapped up in what God's doing in us through struggles or relationships or situation, we can easily forget that our purpose isn't to sit around figuring out what we're supposed to be learning and then looking at it once we've found it - we're to take what we have learned already and apply it while working everything towards Him.  
After all, God's right beside us in this race. Sort of like... a trainer, or a coach. When He's calling out instructions, He doesn't expect you to sit down, take notes, and carefully analyze them. He expects you to comprehend, and ACT on them right away. 
There's nothing wrong with thought. Just be sure the thought doesn't hamper your action. 

The Highest Honor

Thank you Lord, for creating women after men. Thank you for the opportunity to love, support, and walk beside these wonderful images of You. And thank you for the strong and soft hearted young men you've surrounded me with. They mean the world to me, and they constantly inspire me to strive towards Godly Womanhood.

John 8:44

"...He [Satan] was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him."

(John 8:44)

When you sin, you are essentially allying yourself with Satan. 

He delights when we submit to the temptation of breaking God's laws.

We put his agenda ahead of God's. 

You would invite a murderer into your own home?

"...He was a murderer from the beginning..."

1 Peter 5:8-9

"Be sober,  be vigilant;  because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeing whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith,  knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by 

your brotherhood in the world."

(1 Peter 5:8-9)

I am not alone

            I am not singular

                              I have no greater difficulty than the rest.

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man."

(1 Cor. 10:13a)

If anything

           I have it easy.

                        I cannot flatter myself by thinking

                                                     "My lot is too much to bear"

                                                   This thought is an insult.

I have been given the greatest Help I could ever ask for.

                                                 

"...but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able..."

"It is too hard"

            "It is too much"

                            "It is too long"

                                          "I am not strong enough"

                                  LIES

                  They are slaps in the face of Who
                                                                God
                                                                   has revealed Himself to be.

          Is anything too hard for Him?

       Any amount too much?

     Any time too long?

  Any thing Strong enough to resist Him?

                                                             MAY IT NEVER BE.

Temptation may be overcome

      Because

           We have Help from high places

                         A Friend who never leaves us.

                                     A Comforter who provides a way of escape.

"Resist [the devil], 

          steadfast in the faith, 

                  knowing that the same sufferings 

          are experienced 

                by your brotherhood in the world."

                                                        1 Peter 5:8-9

"God is faithful

   Who will not allow you to be tempted 

                                                         beyond what you are able.

                                                     But

                                                  with the temptation 

                                                          will make the way of escape

                                                              That you may be 
                                                                                 ABLE TO BEAR IT"

                                                                                   1 Corinthians 10:13

Focus

Church is primarily a verb, and a secondarily a noun. Church is an action, something you Do. Church is a contact sport. Church is something you get your hands in deep, and squeeze all the glorification and honor and praise and focus you can out of it. It's not something we should attend. It's a movement that we should actively, thoughtfully, profoundly participate in.

I see people in church who are just there because it's What You Are Supposed To Do. I have Done It All My Life. I know I am Supposed To Be Here. Just... attending. I'm not blameless, I'm perhaps the worst of these... but lately, I've been looking for something different as I step into church.

Recently I started attending "my own" church. I chose for myself a Home. The people at this church are more loving than any I have ever met. They have welcomed me with open arms, and I feel more at ease with myself around them than I ever have. "Acceptance" isn't a word I've used often in my life because I've never understood it. I love these people. I can feel God working in them and through them. In the comfort of their company, in the safety of the house of God that they inhabit, I find myself free to worship. I've never felt that way before. I can close my eyes, worship, pray, raise my arms, cry, mouth silent prayers... and not worry about what people think. I'm just in a moment with God, spending a few hours focusing on Him in the way I should be the rest of my week anyway. I don't want distractions, I don't even need to sit with friends. I'm in God's house and I have His company, and it's my time to sit at His feet and ignore everything else... just listening to Him. This wonderful church family allows me to do that.

Since I've learned this, I've started to see so many ways God takes care of me. Lately, all the sermons pierce my heart to the core. All the songs minister to me deeply. All the words from my Church family uplift and edify me. God's holding onto me tight.

I never understood church could be like this, before. Now I pray that it never leaves me.

John 21:25

And there are also many other things that Jesus did, which if they were written one by one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. Amen. 
(Jon 21:25)

If God did so much when He was here on earth, only in His 3 or so years of ministry (not counting what He did before He gathered disciples)... how many things has He done in all of history? If the number of works, signs, wonders described by John are unfathomable, what are the works of all time? The things God has done to and through His creations, natural and unnatural... the miracles and blessings and unseen works... our minds would break trying to understand the magnitude of His plan and goodness.

And if God in Jesus did so... let the same be said of us. Let our works be innumerable, impossible to archive. Let our works be impossible to summarize. Let our righteousness be impossible to capture in our eulogy. Let God's glory shine in our stories.

Worth

We are the heartthrob of heaven.

He Is Bigger

God is not only bigger than my problems and struggles, but He is also bigger than the things that I desire.
God is bigger than the things that I fear will happen, and the things that I fear will not happen.
God is bigger than the things I love.
God is bigger than all things.
God takes takes priority over all things He is bigger than.
You do the math.

Lord, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Proverbs 1:2-7

My goal. 


"To know wisdom and instruction, 
To perceive the words of understanding, 
To receive the instruction of wisdom, 
Justice, judgment, and equity; 
A wise man will hear and increase learning, 
And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel, 
To understand a proverb and an enigma, 
The words of the wise and their riddles. 
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge." 
(Proverbs 1:2-7)

It Never Ends

I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Now You pull me near You
When we're close, I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done
Are You done forgiving?
Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?

I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real? '
The times you're broken.The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends.

Spiritual Feet

Through the washing of feet, what I see is that when we are working in the world we will get dirty. Walking among sin and spending time with sinners does not leave us clean. We ourselves sin, we are not impervious. We will stumble, fall, screw up, and sometimes don't even notice how much we are influenced by the world as we walk in it.
The disciples walked with Jesus in the world and had their feet dirtied by the dust of the roads and the grime of the places they stayed (Jesus was friends with prostitutes and widows and thieves. Where He was going was not clean.) In the same way, even when we are walking with the Lord, our spiritual feet can become dirtied by the world we walk, serve, and work in.
The washing of feet is not just a "serve each other" moment (it is that too, but I see it as even more). What we are to do is to help cleanse each other of the filth that we accumulate while doing Jesus' work on earth. Christians need to get their hands dirty, but then they need to fellowship and serve each other by pointing out the areas that we are becoming tarnished or swayed by the world that we're serving. We wash each other's spiritual feet by being a family of accountability partners, watching each others' backs, making sure our worldviews, thought patterns, and habits continue to be God-honoring in the midst of a sinful world.

We are in the world, but we should not be of the world.

Singularity

God is the only thing in the universe who will UNFAILINGLY become more trustworthy the more you trust Him.

Proverbs 3:29

"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do so."
(Proverbs 3:27)

There are several situations in which I have a hard time loving perfectly lovable people. I become selfish in my love, carefully selecting which people I allow into my circle of love and compassion. The people I have known longest and traditionally should love the most are the hands-down most difficult to love.
What I need to work on is communicating love, doing good, to those who deserve it even when I'm jealous of them, or angry with them, or just find them annoying. It's like loving the unlovable... without the excuses.

All I Am, I Surrender

I need You to soften my heart

To break me apart

I need You to open my eyes

To see that You’re shaping my life.

All I am,

I surrender.

Give me faith to trust what you say

That you’re good and Your love is great

I’m broken inside, I give you my life.

All I am,

I surrender.

I need You to soften my heart

To break me apart

I need You to pierce through the dark

And cleanse every part of me.

I may be weak

But Your spirit is strong in me.

My flesh may fail

My God, You never will.

All I am,

I surrender.

Job 5:18

"For He bruises, but He binds up. 
He wounds, but His hands make whole."
(Job 5:18)


Job's friend attributes both Job's pain, AND his eventual release from pain completely to God. He says to trust that the beating, the brokenness, will be healed and that is has a purpose.

Job 7:17-18

"What is man, that You should exalt him? 
That You should set Your heart on him?
That You should visit him every morning, 
And test him every moment?"
(Job 7:17-18)

Job somehow recognizes that God is trying him because He loves him. He tests him because He owns him. He gives him pain because somehow, through this suffering, God is staking His claim on Job.
Job doesn't understand how he could be important enough to receive so much attention from God.
Job is in agony. Yet he equates his suffering with... exaltation. God "setting His heart on him."
Perhaps we all look at pain and trial in the completely wrong light.

And We Still Don't See

"Then they came to the place of which God had told him. And Abraham built an altar there and placed the wood in order; and he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, upon the wood. And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.
But the Angel of the LORD called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!”
So he said, “Here I am.”
And He said, “Do not lay your hand on the boy, or do anything to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.” 
(Genesis 22:9-12)

Abraham willingly taking his son to be sacrificed for God was not merely Abraham proving to God that he was faithful or obedient.
It was also God showing Himself to Abraham and everyone else.
He was saying, "Here - here is what I am going to go through. Do you see how hard this will be for Me? Do you see how crazy it seems? Do you see how much it hurts? Do you see how very much I must love you?"

Sin Has Three Eyes

When we sin, we are IGNORING the Holy Spirit that is in constant communication with us as Christians.
I think about how I feel when someone I know is making a mistake, and shrugging off any good advice I am giving them to the contrary, and I realize what pain we give the Holy Spirit when we ignore him. We as humans can be wrong, sometimes we are worth ignoring. But God? God is never wrong.

When we sin, we INJUR Jesus all over again - He died for our sins, and yet Christians continue to pile on more and more trespasses that he had to bear on the cross .We disregard the fact that He gave his life for us so that we could be clean - and we continue to dirty ourselves over and over.

Above all, when we sin, we are INSULTING God every time. God gave part of Himself up for us. He gave us Jesus as the ultimate sacrifice, and he gave the Holy Spirit as an intimate indweller of our hearts and minds. He gave up what He, as the supreme Being, the almighty Creator, did not have to give up. He forgives us when he shouldn't, speaks when we are below speaking to, and touches us when we by all rights should be untouchable. But we throw all His grace and mercy in the trash, we count it as nothing, when we intentionally serve ourselves instead of our Lord.

We are ungrateful and undeserving of our great Benefactor.

Ecclesiastes 7:8

"The end of a thing is better than its beginning; The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit." (Ecclesiastes 7:8)


Until there is nothing better than what IS, there will always be something better coming - and until we are worshiping God in His very presence, there is always something better than what IS. Whether we are rejoicing or mourning, we can be sure that we are only in the beginning of 
things. The end is yet to come. The end is BETTER.